After our Mothers’ Day talk, Jim and I again took some time away from the subject of infertility. We had a tentative plan, but weren’t in a position to move forward – emotionally or financially. We just went about our lives and put the topic on the back burner temporarily.
A couple weeks after Mothers’ Day, we had dinner with some friends. A lot of wine was shared. Too much wine, actually. It was a Tuesday night. A school night. The next day, I felt so sick. I actually took the day off of work so I could “sleep it off.” Thursday, I felt a little better and returned to work, but was no where near well. Friday came and went, and I still felt sick. I thought, “This can’t be a hangover. I must have the flu.” Jim had a different idea.
Jim asked, “Weren’t you supposed to get your period by now?” I told him I probably should have, but since we’d stopped treatments I really hadn’t been keeping track (there didn’t seem to be a need to). He suggested we take a pregnancy test. I responded with a flurry of emotions – frustration, anger, surprise, hope. I thought, “Did you not listen when the doctor told us I had less than %5 chance of getting pregnant even with IVF?” I thought it was a very cruel suggestion. Then again, what if? You can’t help but feel “What if?” So… off to Target I went to buy some pregnancy tests.
Since the box says to take the test first thing in the morning, I waited until Saturday morning to do the test. This was the Saturday of Memorial Day weekend. This is not the most opportune day to take a pregnancy test. The reason is simple – no doctors available until Tuesday! The box said to wait 3-5 minutes to read the test. My results came up in about 30 seconds. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Was I reading it right? Had I mixed up what constituted a positive result with a negative result? I screamed to Jim (literally screamed), “Jim! Jim!! Does this say what I think it does?” YES! It was an actual positive test result! I figured it had to be a false positive. I took all the tests in the box, went back to Target to get more, and over the next 2 days I took those tests too. They all had the same result: POSITIVE! As excited as I was, I still had a hard time believing it was true. I made an appointment to see the doctor as soon as I could… Tuesday. I spent Saturday, Sunday and Monday going crazy with hope and fear.
I went in to see the doctor on Tuesday, May 28, to confirm the pregnancy. This was 2 months to the day from when Dr. C told us we had such a small chance for conception. When I was called into the office, they did a blood test which revealed a positive result. I was in shock. I was also informed that I spent way too much money on pregnancy tests because there is no such thing as a false positive. False negative, yes, but never a false positive. Oops! Oh well. That’s what happens when you test on a holiday weekend. When I saw Dr. C I said, “I thought you said there was less than 5% chance of me getting pregnant.” He responded, “I didn’t say there was no chance.” The nurse said, “She just wanted to prove you wrong, doctor.” I suppose she was right.
At that point, I had an ultrasound to confirm the pregnancy was not tubal. It wasn’t. I started crying. I cried even harder when I could see the “heart” beating. I was 5.5 weeks along, the baby looked like a tiny, pulsating grain of rice with a balloon around it, and it was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.
The irony of all of this is that when Jim and I went for our walk and talk on Mothers’ Day to make decisions about our journey, I was already pregnant. I had no idea, of course. I never would have guessed. As we were thinking about options, we already had a little one on the way. I was, and still am, completely amazed. After all the prayers we said, all the hopes we held onto, all the disappointments we endured, we had been blessed with a pregnancy… our own, incredible miracle.